“Not me though, I’m alone, going in the opposite direction. We’re on different tracks in more ways than one. All of a sudden the air feels thin and something heavy is bearing down on my chest. Am I really doing the right thing? The thought makes me feel helpless, isolated.” - Kafka on the shore
I have been reading Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami recently. It isn’t the first Murakami book that I was exposed to. I finished reading his other book, After Dark, in the first week of March—which, we’ll discuss some other time.
The lines mentioned above are one of some relatable lines I’ve read in this book.
It is when Kafka decided to see The Komura Memorial Library as his first venture to freedom. Kafka considered libraries as his second home. As he boarded the train out of the town, he saw the other side of the platform was packed with high school students heading to school. He, too, is a high school student, but decided not to attend school anymore. He then questioned himself if the decision he made would ever benefit or harm him. Running away from home without telling anyone except a boy named Crow is a tough decision, right?
All of us already experience the same feeling. Like Kafka, we also ask ourselves the same question: Am I doing the right thing?
We ask this to ourselves when we make a decision on something that might cause changes in our lives. I believe we are not afraid of change, but rather, uncomfortable with it. A change will disrupt the status quo of how things are. It is excruciating to deal with things that are unfamiliar to us.
These lines resonate with me, because I’m about to dive into uncertainty. Well, I think I already am—in fact, we are, just like Kafka. We are at the beginning (or in the middle ) of change wondering what it will be like on its end. We have to go through the process, as well. As I said earlier, it’s awful to deal with it, since there is no assurance if everything will be alright.
At times we are required to be on our own, it indeed feels isolating. Like a kid attending kindergarten for the first time, it felt so scary to enter an unfamiliar room. How a kid wishes the school would be as comfortable as their own house or playground! How we wish we could be with someone to share the burden of the unknown. Uncertainty crept upon us, sometimes. We can’t be helped, because we have to be by ourself.
“I’ll figure things out on my own.” echoes on the back of our minds.
Then, “Am I doing the right thing?” is a recurring question for us.
As an individual who tends to introspect a lot, having this conversation in our minds is beneficial. It helps us to reevaluate ourselves as to how we perceive certain aspects of our lives. It encourages self-reflection.
When you decide to figure things out on your own, you make an action and take accountability for it. When you question yourself whether you’re doing it right or not, you’re evaluating the action and process you did. It helps us understand ourselves more as we go along with life. Hence, we gain wisdom and experience.
In the book, Kafka also acknowledges that they’re on different tracks going in the opposite direction. Everyone has to go their own separate ways. The venture to the unknown will possibly feel lonely and terrifying—but you’re not alone! You’re not the only person on the train. We’re all travelers going in our desired direction waiting to arrive at our destination. On a journey, we will be presented with different kinds of perspectives. How we react towards those differences will depend on us.
Differences make us distinct from one another, but being different doesn’t makes anyone less of a person.
Hi, reader! I appreciate your time reading my two cents in Kafka on the Shore. It’s my first ever post, and I’m still learning. Please scrutinize my work kindly.
Thanks for sticking around!
Signing off,
Jade.
